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Entrepreneur Honesty: How am I Really Doing Right Now?

I sit down to write this on August 30, the day of the Full Moon in Pisces. This full moon feels like a big one for me. For one, I am a Pisces sun and Virgo moon approaching this full moon in Pisces during Virgo season - my moon and sun energies are activated with the transits right now in reverse, and that feels important. Additionally, this whole summer has been a massive journey in letting go of what no longer serves me - the stories I tell myself about what others will think of me by claiming my intentions of starting a business focused on spiritual self development. The rejection I fear from family members and friends by claiming this as what feels to me like a birth right. Acknowledging to myself and the world that going back into another full time job is not what is aligned for me at present. That I need to commit to this entrepreneur path and to this business to call in success - and that a big part of doing that is being honest with myself and the world about who I am. This full moon time feels like the culmination of all this. It feels like the time where I truly need to become comfortable with ripping the band aid off-in the kindness and gentlest way, mind you. To start being more open and honest about who I am in all my circles. I am ready. It is time.

I started this Reflections space with "strictly business" posts in mind. Explaining the Akashic Records and Human Design to people in user friendly terms, utilizing my conscious first line to teach people about these modalities as a marketing strategy. And, in a sense, I still want this space to do that. Even though I left the classroom, being a teacher is such a big part of who I am, and I want to continue to utilize those skills in this new business of mine.

Yet, today, I was reminded that my conscious first line, my Life's Work in the Gene Keys, is in Gate 22. This is the gate of openness. It's in the Solar Plexus, the feelings center in Human Design. It is my life's work to teach people with my line one through openness, vulnerability, and social grace. If I keep my Reflections space as "strictly business", there is no way I'll be able to utilize this space to its highest potential in alignment with my life's work.

So, today, I'm here to tell you how I really am. As a vulnerable and honest entrepreneur.

Honestly, I'm okay. This summer has been boring. That's my south node shadow of gate 35 talking, but it's true. It's been a lot of the same thing day in and day out. A lot of time spent alone - which believe me, I needed, to come more into alignment with myself. Yet, as August turns to September and I look back on the last couple of months, I can't help but thinking, "geesh, what a drag." It's been being mindful of the money I'm spending because, even though I do have enough saved up for a few months ahead of me, I also know I recognize that I need to be realistic about where I'm putting my money until I start having more of an income coming in. For instance, regular trips to my favorite coffee shop down the street have become less regular occurrences.

On one hand, I'm deeply grateful for this summer. Truly. Despite it's mundanity, my body and soul have deeply needed the rest after functioning for so long out of alignment in my classroom teaching role. I've enjoyed reading. Daily walks outside. Building this website and publishing it. Diving deeper into my Golden Path with the Gene Keys. A Gene Keys study group I've formed with some friends. I'm taking a Quantum Manifestation course right now, which is FASCINATING. There is so much to be grateful for.

Yet, I also crave a time with more human interaction. A more aligned environment - where I currently am has served me so well throughout my classroom teaching journey, but I know it is coming to an end within the next six months; my soul is expanding and evolving and craves an environment more in alignment with that soul growth. I crave a steady stream of income coming in in the form of people booking through my site...and who knows, whatever other Reflector surprises come my way down the line income stream wise. I feel very strongly that my business will be successful. I have received this guidance from my Akashic Records, as well as an intuitive inner knowing. I know that commitment will get me far. I launched my website when the sun was transiting in Gate 29, Gift of Commitment, Siddhi of Devotion with this concept in mind. Yet, each time I check my e-mail and see that I don't have any bookings, I feel a twinge of anxiety.

Part of me wonders - am I out of alignment in this work? After all, my culture in the Gene Keys - e.g., how I work best with others - is in a line 2, through partnership. And I do intuitively feel that a business partnership would serve me in the best way. Yet, I also try to be kind to myself - I am as in alignment as I can be at this moment, and trusting the process is essential for me right now. Trusting my 28 day lunar cycle. Leaning into my North Node, Gate 5 gift of Patience. Practicing energetic neutrality in how I move through the world to develop more trust - all of this will bring me more surprise and delight than I can imagine.

I know enough about Human Design to know that I can't force my alignment. Been there, done that, it doesn't work. I know that trust will get me a long way, and I lean into that feeling. Even when I really, really, really don't want to, I do my best to practice patience and trust. I take action when it feels right but I also recognize that sometimes, taking action means doing nothing. Sometimes, the very lack of action is the best course of action.

And that's how I'm doing right now. I can't say that Summer 2023 has been the season of living my best life. It most certainly hasn't been. Yet, I also know the discomfort and uncertainty I am feeling right now, that leaning into trust, openness, and graciousness, will lead me to a better life in the future.

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